When Searching for Purpose Gets In the Way of Your Sweet Spot
Image: Balazs Busznyak via Unsplash
Purpose. A word meant to inspire and guide us. And also a word that can come with some serious internal pressure.
Some people describe it as a feeling or a state of being. Others as a life direction, or goal to reach, something to finally “arrive at.” Either way, it tends to come with an unspoken expectation: once I’ve found it, things will feel right.
For a long time, purpose never felt like something I needed to “find.” As long as I can remember, I knew I wanted to save the world (you know… a very humble version of that). Helping shape a better world — it felt so implied in who I was that questioning my purpose didn’t tickle me. I also found the term itself a little vague.
That wasn’t necessarily wisdom. It may well have been a form of denial.
Because looking back, so much of my inner life was still about searching.
I measured myself against imagined futures. In a way, subconscious mostly, I was constantly assessing whether I was doing enough. Was I doing it right, was my impact enough to justify the effort and exhaustion?
Then I remember entering my fourties and feeling a sinking, deeply painful sense of failure creep in — as if time was running out, and I might have somehow missed the boat. At moments, it almost felt like I was drowning.
That’s the part we don’t talk about as much: how purpose, when subtly tied to identity and self-worth, can turn into pressure. How something meant to inspire can become a source of self-judgement.
Then something changed.
It wasn’t sudden. But when I stopped tightly attaching my identity — and my sense of worth — to my impact, things began to relax. Slowly, almost imperceptibly at first, I settled into a different relationship with life. Less efforting. Less negotiating with the future.
I started to see — not just intellectually, but more deeply — that everything really is unfolding as it should. Or perhaps more truthfully: that things couldn’t actually happen any other way.
Impact, making a difference, fulfilling purpose… they stopped feeling like outcomes I needed to earn and started to feel more like an inclusive journey happening in the present. In every action, yes — but also in every feeling, thought, doubt, emotion, and moment of rest.
Recently, I came across a short video by a coach I deeply respect, and it captured this perspective beautifully. He conveys how purpose isn’t something waiting for us in the future — it’s already being lived, right now.
At first, we might resist this idea. It can feel like it takes the glamour off.
We might think, So… this is it? Will I always feel a bit unfulfilled then? And maybe there’s some truth there. Perhaps a kind of grieving needs to happen — grieving the fantasy of arrival, of finally feeling “done” and validated.
But once we allow that, something else becomes possible.
The glamour shifts into the ordinary. And there can be a surprising peace there. And from that peace, you are going to make different choices. Choices that feel more natural and effective. More you.
What you’re doing today — reflecting, learning, working, resting, questioning, talking things through with friends or colleagues, staring out the window with a cup of tea — all of it belongs. None of it is a detour.
So, what if you truly started looking at purpose not as a destination, or a “right” way of doing life, but as something that unfolds through presence.
Then you simply cannot fail. (What?! Yes, it’s true!)
Maybe you already know this. But sometimes a gentle reminder can be exactly what’s needed today.
And if that reminder comes with some discomfort, my guess is you’re getting it.
Here’s the short video that sparked this reflection:
>> Finding Your Purpose is Hard Until You Understand This
****
I work with people who want to stay grounded while doing meaningful work — through one-to-one coaching and the Impact Sweet Spot™ Programme.
If you’re curious, you’re welcome to book a conversation and see whether working together feels like a good next step.
